Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Why MySpace Rules, An Essay by Men's Lady

I've recently noticed that some of us are experiencing a little bit of hostility towards MySpace, and have used the RBIE page to vent. This is unfortunate (one should refrain from being so angry- even in New York, it's somewhat unbecoming), and I am posting to defend the institution and modern dance craze that is MySpace.

First, I would like to start by saying that MySpace is actually nothing short of amazing when it comes to bringing people together. I was recently contacted by my best friend from junior high school, who I'd lost contact with because we went different ways in high school. Plus...sexual predators. Need I say more?

Second, MySpace offers people the chance to express themselves on their page. My page has polka dots. Chatouille's page is brown and plays a slideshow of pictures of her and her friends (conspicuously absent are pictures of the RBIE staff). I have a friend who's 17-year old sister recently friend requested me, and you know what? I accepted. What do you have to say to that? Huh?

Third, um, okay, maybe I don't really have a third. I thought I'd posted because I'm bored at work today. Or every day. And MySpace really kills the time for me. Why would you want to take that from me? WHY? What kind of sick monster are you?!?

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Isn't It Terrible That A Family Can Be Torn Apart By Something As Simple As A Pack of Wolves?

Like a bad case of Herpes, I'm back. Back to D.C. after a long (LONG) week home, back to RBIE,...back to life, back to reality, back to the...you get the point.

Spending a week at "home"...or what I should more accurately refer to as "the residence of those people who unwillingly, and probably with the help of large quantities of alcohol, conceived me," has (as always) afforded me some new pearls of wisdom, which i would like to share with our young readers:

1) no matter how much you THINK you miss your family or how happy you THINK they will be to see you, divide the period of time you were planning on dedicating to a visit by 2, subtract by 3 days...and book your flight accordingly. Save time, money, and embarassment for all involved.

2) keep something small around (like a grape for example) to choke on when your parents look like they're about to start a serious conversation about your career and/or social aspirations. 9 times out of 10 they will be too distracted saving your life to remember what they were asking about. (guantanamo prisoners swear by this one!)

3) The argument: "At least i'm not pregnant!" worked better when you were a teenager and your mother wasn't asking you why you havent "met someone," "gotten married," or "become pregnant."

4) Access to transportation can do a lot to help your time at home go smoothly. Lack of transportation can make you feel trapped, moody, insecure, and...filled with murderous rage.

5) Ellen is a quality show. Passions, not as much.

6) Spending time with family brings you closer...to your friends, and occasional kind-faced strangers.

7) after all the bickering, and fighting, and cutting...you realize when you leave them that you will always feel somewhat guilty about not enjoying your family's company more, not cherishing the time you get to spend with them, not getting along better. This is a mistake. They want you to feel guilty..that's how they lure you back. Remember your spirit, and remember how much your spirit wanted to get the hell away from there.

8) there's no such thing as a perfectly functional family. anyone turns their nose up at you, you just remind them that their mom is an alcoholic and their dad does drag shows on the weekends (eh. it's a hit or miss, but in the least you'll make them stop and think).

Wilson Phillips says to hold on

I graduated. My parents came to New York, and I wore a funny hat, and then NYU gave me a hood. I am officially a Master of the Arts. On to unemployment!

The happenings of my life recently are as follows:

1) I met/will date a man I met in a bar recently who mispronounces my name. I realize my name is not short or common. I have brought excuse-making to a new level.

2) I had a job interview recently for a position with an insurance-based financial services bank. I didn't know what it was for, and floundered helplessly.

3) My dad asked me if I wanted to move home to Florida and just hang out until I marry...someone. Whoever. Really.

4) I've been trashed almost every night since graduation, and I think, instead of some sort of a medal, I'm getting cirrhosis of the liver.

Our blog is lonely without the help of chatouille.

Monday, May 01, 2006

MySpace sux!!!!

There, I said it.

Not only do I think its juvenile, but I recently discovered that it has a blog feature. I have some serious suspicions that some of the RBIE staff are posting their pearls of wisdom on their MySpace pages.

I do not approve.

The whole point of blogging is to rant anonymously. You cannot speak your mind when all of your readers are simultaneously looking at a picture of you from your last night out and trying not to laugh as you drool down the side of your face, and reading your deep insights on the world.

Come back, dammit.