Happy Leap Year (Day)--and dating tips!

Today needs no introduction. It comes around only once every 4 years. I encourage all of you to do something wacky, treat yourself to something luxurious, be bold, and party like it's 1999 (no, there was no February 29th that year--Prince should have waited--but it's really hard to avoid saying "Party like it's 1999"). I, for one, am starting the day off with something really unhealthy for breakfast--a chocolate chip muffin. I will aspire to do nothing at work all day, except read the news, will eat a delicious lunch, and hopefully get drunk later tonight. I ALMOST want to throw a party, but I'm not motivated enough to clean my apartment. Maybe next leap year....

Also, I think I've discovered the secret to finding decent men. I've always had horrendously bad luck in that department (hence, why I am called "jindeh", and not "nice girl you can take home to mom"). I am always approached by freaks and usually the evening ends with them calling me a bitch or some other lovely comment. I sincerely believe if I hadn't met my beau through a friend, I would still be hopelessly and desperately alone. Well, yesterday I was on the train home and was in a really good mood. (Not entirely sure why--it doesn't happen often. I usually struggle to stay awake and read a few pages from my textbook.) So I get off at a different stop than usual and this attractive guy says to me, "I'm sorry to be so forward, but you're adorable." How cute is that, right? Made my day! Except at the same time he told me that, my man was calling me, so I awkwardly pointed to my phone and was like, "I'm so sorry, this is my fiance" and answered it. But I told him "thanks" and smiled. So, here's the secret: look approachable. Look like you are a happy person and someone people want to be around. Because scowling isn't doing the trick anymore. Just be careful not to be too happy...don't sing to yourself or skip down the road. Because the only men you will find that way will be the ones that keep your straight jacket on.

Happy February 29th!

Yay! Here we are!

Yes, it's true. We're back! What could all you faithful readers possibly have done to entertain yourselves while we were away? Start up new hobbies, contract herpes, adopt a child? Well, quit that yoga class and put down that really ugly scarf you are trying to knit because we've got some fun times ahead. We (ahem, chatouille) promise to post a lot more frequently.

We started off 2007 with gusto---Men's Lady went on tour in Zurich and Milan, and Chatouille and I went to Montreal to once again remind those silly Quebecois that they are not, in fact, French, but Canadian. (we let them read our blog so they can feel a little more European--because we are REALLY big in Europe.) Chatouille also trekked though the jungle in Peru to, hmmm, bring us all alpaca handicrafts. Hopefully 2008 will bring similar milestones.

P.S. Special shot out to all the new Kosovars on the site. You are sort-of European.

Breaking News (El Newso Super-Nuevo)

Yes, you heard it here second to last: Fido Castro has resigned his post as…dictator? We too were shocked (SHOCKED) to learn that Castro was still alive. In a letter published by the Communist Party’s Granny Newspaper, the man who helped the Miami Cuban community flourish for 49 years stated, “I will neither aspire to nor accept, I repeat, I will neither aspire to nor accept the positions of President of the State Council and Commander in Chief.” Castro went on to add, “don’t even try begging me to do it. I will not, I repeat, will not even consider…hey! where did everyone go?”

The 81-year-old Castro has not appeared in public for almost 19 months since he underwent breast augmentation surgery and “temporarily” ceded power to his sexily named brother, Rrrraauuuul. Still, Castro insists that, despite all evidence to the contrary, he’s still alive: "This is not my farewell to you. My only wish is to fight as a soldier in the battle of ideas. I shall continue to write under the heading of 'Reflections by comrade Fidel.'" There’s no telling if these reflections will rival those of comrade Jack Handey. Only time will tell, and as the man who is pretending to be Castro claims, he has plenty of that. In the P.S. section of the letter, under the xoxo and K.I.T., Castro added that he plans on “writing” these reflections by batting his eyelashes in what will prove to be an unprecedented and moving..,what? The Diving bell and what? Oh. That’s unfortunate.

We took this world shattering news to the streets, and into our favorite sandwich shop, in order to get a sense of how deeply it has affected our citizenry. We posed the question, “How do you feel about Castro’s news?” and received the following responses:

“What? Did he die?”

“When do we get to vacation in Cuba? I hear it’s cheap there.”

“Castro? No thanks, I only use olive oil,”

And perhaps the most significant response of all,

“Are you in line?”

We think that sums it up perfectly. Are we in line, indeed.* And if so, for what?**

*the answer was yes.

** The ham and swiss on wheat. Oh, that was a good sandwich

Really F▪ing Big, (The Remix)

After what has seemed like at least four months on hiatus, RBIE is back. The Writers’ Strike of ’07 was a time in our history we’d rather forgive and forget, and in the end, the demands of those striking were met: I finally returned the purse I’d borrowed from Jendeh several months ago, and apologized to the Men’s Lady for that one drunken night when I called her a “whoritch” – an incident she apparently had no recollection of. This turned out to be a step back in the negotiations.

The important thing is that we’ve returned in time to cover some major news that our dear (except for Jim. he's just "ok")readers would otherwise never hear about. So sit back, relax, and let us massage your brain with the hot oil of ours.