Sunday, September 17, 2006

And then there were....

While we're all intently focused on the one current event that affects every man, woman, and child alike...the one current event we can't get away from on CNN...something that could have dire consequences for all of mankind if not handled gently -- yes, you guessed it, the fall TV line-up, ...i would like to take this opportunity to vouch for Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.

I'd add more, but it's almost 1am on a Sunday night, so i'm just going to rest on my laurels, trusting that our millions of fans will respect my opinion as their own. (Also, I still have a massive headache from Saturday night, when I had to leave a 'publicity' party unexpectedly, took an hour long metro ride home, and somewhere along the way lost a shoe and ten bucks.)

To the flamboyant homeless man wearing one red wedged-heel shoe and eating 10 jr. bacon cheeseburgers* (assuming you found change to account for tax), I wish you indigestion and blisters. But please, if you get your life back on track by tomorrow, watch Aaron Sorkin's new show. (We'll call it even)

* just a guess.




Monday, September 04, 2006

Mourning Chivalry

I JUST got home from what was supposed to be a 4 hour bus ride, but which actually turned out to be a 7 hour bus ride. This fact is only relevant in that it explains a tiny part of my bad mood. I'm not blaming the poor people who probably died tonight on the highway, causing traffic to stand still for over 2 hours. Those 2 hours allowed me a lot of time to mull over a sort of--let's call it a proclamation--that i'd like to share with you now:
MEN, by and large, are ASSHOLES. ok. maybe that's too harsh. How about a revision: Most of the men with whom I have had the displeasure of interacting in the last 4 days of my short life have been overwhelmingly rude, obnoxious, and entirely devoid of any decency typically afforded a normal human being. Better?
What happened to chivalry?! I understand that there was a feminist movement and a sexual revolution and all the other progressional milestones that have made men and women just a little closer to equal, but at what point did we decide this meant men could treat women like inanimate objects? I mean, isn't it generally understood by men that women would like them SO much more if they made the slightest effort to be polite, maybe even at times considerate, or in the extremely rare occasion, even...dare i say, helpful? *GASP!*
To the two guys sitting in front of me on the bus who reclined their seats enough to cut the circulation in my legs, f*ck you. To the security guard at MacDonald's who wouldnt let me sit inside for two minutes without ordering food even though it was torrentially raining, f*ck you. To the guy at the metro who almost pushed me over trying to get on the escalator, f*ck you. To ALL the men on the train who sat down while two very old ladies (with canes) stood without seats, f*ck you. To all the guy friends who never offer to give a girl a ride home when she's stuck somewhere late at night, f*ck you. To all the guy friends who never think to ask, just in case, f*ck you. To every man who feels it's outdated to be a gentleman and so doesnt make the slightest effort to be a decent human being, f*ck you very much.
It's not even that i'm asking for deferential treatment based on my gender. That boat has definitely sailed, and i've come to terms with that. But looking around nowadays, everywhere i turn, women treat each other with so much more respect than men afford women. I've had people keep doors open for me as i walk into a store, apologize when they run into me, allow an older person to take their seat on the train (this one is an issue with me, you can tell) ---and they have lately ALL been women.
Certainly this doesn't include all men..some of you are intelligent and aware of your surroundings. I appreciate you. please, call me. I'm just terribly worried that there is an epidemic we're not paying attention to...like the XY is mutating into an XV--some horrible sub-human parasitic creature that is neither man nor woman, and which needs total self-involvement to survive.
But i digress. In conclusion, stop being Assholes. Thanks.
Disclaimer: first of all, f*ck you. i'm angry. secondly, before you start shouting "insults" at me like "feminist" or "man-hater," take into account that i've taken a highly scientific poll of thousands of women, and the overwhelming consensus (allowing for a margin of error) is that chivalry has gone the way of Jon Benet.