Because Sometimes, It's Fun to Be an Asshole/Bitch/Bitter Old Person

A few quotes from last night's Olympic women's free-skate that highlight why Olympic announcers should think about careers in motivational therapy:

"she's an amazing jumper...almost too amazing...its like she hasnt even thought through her technique and is just getting lucky"

"wow. watching her fall makes me think of a rhinocerous"

"that was a very unnattractive production of spin just to get more points"

"maybe in the fifteen years she spent on the ice and at competition, she could have learned to better herself instead of just doing the same thing over and over again...obviously, it's not working for her"

"this is a waste of 4 minutes"

"Joanna is a beautiful skater...who unfortunately doesnt always believe in herself."

"Sasha has once again given into her personal demons...and disappointed not only her fans, but most of all, herself"

and my personal favorite,

"the entire souffle was unsouffled"

Because, much like the rest of life (and you little ones should take notes), the Olympics are all about honoring the winners and embarassing the losers. It's true. If you disagree, chances are you're a loser. Now go take a long look in the mirror and cry yourself to sleep. It's for the best.