Bitter, Party of 1?

My recent pursuit of First Base in the City has led me to a fascinating and enjoyable pattern: dating multiples. By dating multiples, I mean dating several people at the same time. This strategy works a lot like hedge funds. By not putting all of your stock in one man, you can only ever be half-disappointed, at the most. If you're dating three men, your level of emotional risk drops to 33.33%, and so on. This rests on the assumption that only one man can disappoint you at any one moment, which is fair, unless you conference call all of your dates from the previous weekend, or have a "team meeting" around mid-week to check on everyone's progress or something. Believe me, I learned the hard way, no one likes that.

My two main relationships at the moment are with Rod*, the 35 year-old who is terrible on paper but wonderful in person, and Danny*, the poet/bartender who I went out with last Friday and drunk dialed last Saturday. Now, I know what you're thinking. And for the record, I'm not a whore. No one, no not no one, likes to be let down. So, consider me a genius for coming up with this amazing system. And if these two fall through, there is a cute lawyer where I work who has been flirting with me heavily since his arrival from France about 2 weeks ago. Yes, that's right, he's French. And a lawyer. So, there's really no conceivable way he's not an asshole. But God help me, that's my type. In addition, I have agreed to go speed-dating with my recently-broken-up-with friend, Jane*. They apparently have some sort of special speed-dating thing for Indian people, so I can stop disappointing my parents. Love is in the air. Or is that, wait, is that brimstone?