Honey, Are You Absolutely, Positively, 100% Sure You're Not a Crack Whore?

We here at RBIE realize that our very busy everyday schedules have caused us to lag in the frequency and substance (see "An Open Letter to My Brain Gone Awry") of our normally informative posts. As one concerned reader recently put it, "have you gone off your medication?-- because i don't write those prescriptions to help pass the time."

The truth is, some of us have been drinking way too much (Id.) to dull the pain of having serious- second-thoughts (because "hate" is such a strong word) about our chosen career path, others have been busy trying to 'get busy' in NYC, and still others are...i don't know....celebrating Jewish holidays?

The point is, although our respective depressions, desperations, and celebrations don't seem to be letting up, we'd like to start reporting the news again. Not just any news...but news our readers can relate to. Thought-provoking news. News we steal from other websites.

Case in point: A High-School Student in Australia Was Made to Feel Like Paris Hilton For A Day

"The 17-year-old from northern New South Wales was stunned to discover students had copied footage from an X-rated website featuring an actress she looked like.
The 10 seconds of film was then circulated by email to dozens of other students, wrongly claiming she was the star. "

The worst (best?) part of the story is that after her parents viewed the footage, the girl so resembled the porn star that even her father was convinced:

"She was crying in her room. I asked her if she had ever been drugged at a party because the video shows the porn star with eyes rolling and acting in a possible drug-induced state. She replied, 'No, never'."

Having everyone at school think you're a porn star is one thing, but having your dad watch the video and then ask you if somehow you made a porn one night while half-conscious is beyond degrading and indicative of deep family issues that only Dr. Phil could unravel.

This actually reminds me of a trick my mother used when i was younger to coax me into admitting i stole money from her without having to actually incriminate myself. "Are you sure you didn't accidentally walk into my closet and your hand didn't accidentally pull a twenty out of my purse? I'm not saying you stole it...maybe you took it unwittingly?"

Basically, whether the girl 'starred' in the porn or not, her father thinks she's at least capable of being a drugged-up prostitute. And he's probably right. I mean, i did steal twenties from my mom. Who am i to judge?