Ask the men's lady

Dear men's lady,
Why is it that every time i tell myself i will be productive on the weekend, i end up passed out on the couch with brownie crumbs all over me? Also, why won't the Pillsbury dough boy return my calls?
Sincerely,
On The Brink

Dear On The Brink,
I'm very sorry your failed love affair with the Pillsbury dough boy has well, failed. I once had a similar experience with John Stamos, who played Uncle Jesse on Full House. Celebrities are very rude, even the Pillsbury dough boy, because they are constantly surrounded by yes-men who tell them how great they are. I wanted to be "real" for John Stamos, as I'm sure you wanted to be for the Pillsbury dough boy, and we could have had it all together, but that jerk was "screening his calls". But then, since the Pillsbury dough boy isn't a real person, you probably don't have to deal with this crap. Stupid actors. I hope this helped.

Keep on trucking,
The men's lady