How to spot a terrorist

Fortunately for all of us Americans living in fear of another terrorist attack, the NYPD has released a set of tips on how to spot potential bombers on subways:

1. Someone with clenched fists.

2. Someone who is nervous, jittery, or sweating profusely.

3. Someone who avoids eye contact, mumbles, or chants.

4. Someone with an unusual object protruding from his or her clothing, especially electronic devices, switches or wires.

5. Someone who repeatedly glances to their left or right, or runs in a suspicious manner.

This lists describes the entire NYC population, if not the entire world!!! I am personally guilty of no. 2 (sweating-- it has been like 105 degrees here) and no. 3 (who doesn't avoid eye contact in the train?!). Not that NYC's finest don't have good intentions-- its just that this list is just as helpful as telling you to beware of people wearing blue jeans. What I should've reported to authorities instead was a man I saw walking down the street with a hospital gown and khaki pants. He looked like an escaped mental patient, and no lie, he was jittery and talking to himself. Like a true New Yorker, I looked away and walked faster to get away from him.