Ask the Men's Lady

Dear Men's Lady,
I am addicted to candy. I can't go a day without feeling the delightful tickle of a sugar high. I've tried to replace this addiction with something more socially acceptable, like cigarettes or sex with random strangers, but nothing seems to stick. I feel like starting to chew gum would be counter-productive, but I'm at my wit's end, and I'll try anything!

Desperately,
23-year old with a blue tongue

Dear blue tongue,
Yeah, are you a fatass? Thath's coo, if you are, I just need it for my visual. Did you know giraffes have black tongues? It's perfectly natural, but if you're uncomfortable with it, switch to candy that only turns your tongue pink. Keep it real.

~men's lady